Mess

MESS
CHARACTERS (in order of appearance)
Character
Police Officer
Wrestler
Worker #1 with Dolly
Boxer
Worker with Piano
Worker #2 with Dolly
Singer
Worker with Vacuum
Actor
Speaker
Worker #3 with Dolly
CURTAIN OPENS with minimal lighting and the following props across the stage: a microphone stand at downstage center with a microphone attached; immediately to its right, on the floor, a trumpet and a child’s toy drum; farther to the right, a set of barbells with additional weights; at center stage right, a large wooden crate, on end, partially wrapped in duct tape, a telephone on top; at center stage center, a stuffed chair: a love seat; at center stage left, a wood podium, a broom leaning against on the right--upside down--and an American flag on a pole to the left–-rightside up. In front of the podium lies a corpse, sprawled face down across the floor.
(Note: gender and race and age of each character is unspecified; therefore, left to the director’s discretion.)
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Lights come up slowly. Hold ten seconds.
Immediately, CHARACTER, wearing black trousers and a white t-shirt, walks across stage, right to left, muttering grouped pairs of single words with each step: "right-left, up-down, slow-fast, light-dark, day-night, right-wrong, good-evil, dog-cat, yes-no." Does a little hop over the corpse and exits stage left.
POLICE OFFICER enters from stage left, assumes the police officer position: arms behind back and looking skyward. Begins walking slowly, strolling, whistling, stepping around corpse, and looking upward and around. Exits stage right.
Telephone rings three times. Stops.
CHARACTER, now wearing blue t-shirt with the black trousers, enters from stage left, maneuvers around corpse, walks across stage, again muttering the word pairs with each step: "black-white, big-little, large-small, tall-short, fat-thin, hot-cold, even-odd, sun-moon, no-yes." Exits stage right, between barbells and crate.
WRESTLER enters from stage right, walks past and behind wooden crate and love seat, takes place prone on floor behind podium. Begins exercising: push-ups, then sit-ups.
Telephone rings. Stops.
WRESTLER continues exercising uninterrupted: sit-ups, then jumping jacks, more push-ups.
POLICE OFFICER enters from stage right, walks to downstage right, all the while looking upward and around entire stage: the police officer position. Whistles. Returns to upstage right. Exits.
CHARACTER, now wearing yellow t-shirt, enters stage right and walks across stage, right to left this time, muttering words with each step: "Rich-poor, boy-girl, man-woman, bride-groom, husband-wife, skinny-fat, wet-dry, snow-rain, yes-yes." Hops over corpse. Exits stage left.
WRESTLER stops exercising, walks toward downstage left, looks down at corpse. Backs up, takes running leap over body. Exits.
Telephone rings.
WORKER enters stage right, pushing dolly with its own large wooden crate across downstage, right to left, has some difficulty maneuvering around barbells and weights, microphone stand, and corpse, but manages well enough, i.e., scatters weights, knocks--but not over--mic stand, and catches one arm of corpse with jagged edge of crate, drags body a bit before shaking it loose. Continues. Exits.
Telephone rings.
BOXER enters from left, walks past and behind stuffed love seat and wooden crate and begins shadow boxing. POLICE OFFICER enters from right, assumes police officer position. WORKER follows, entering from right, pushing large grand piano across upstage, right to left. Another WORKER enters, stage right, pushing crate on dolly, maneuvering around obstacles expertly. Telephone rings three times and stops. CHARACTER, now wearing red t-shirt, enters stage right, rushes across stage, right to left, muttering single syllable words the whole time: "north-south, east-west, up-down, front-back, left-right, right-left, high-low, no-no." Passes WORKER WITH DOLLY leaps over corpse. Exits.
POLICE OFFICER supervises all.
All except BOXER and POLICE OFFICER exit.
BOXER continues shadow boxing, uninterrupted.
Telephone rings. Stops.
BOXER and POLICE OFFICER exit, left and right respectively.
Silence and order return; order is supreme, silence exalted. Hold for fifteen seconds.
Telephone rings. Five times. Stops.
Telephone rings. Three times. Stops.
Telephone rings. Four times. Stops.
SINGER enters from right, stops exactly half-way between podium and microphone. Begins singing. POLICE OFFICER enters from right and stands next to SINGER. Assumes police officer position. Leans over and whispers in SINGER’s ear. SINGER continues singing.
WORKER WITH VACUUM cleaner enters from stage left, plugs machine into socket at center stage center. Begins vacuuming hardwood floor of stage. Vacuum is loud--very loud. Incredibly loud.
Telephone rings. Many times. No one hears.
SINGER continues singing. POLICE OFFICER whispers again. SINGER continues singing. POLICE OFFICER looks at SINGER. SINGER sings. POLICE OFFICER whispers again in ear. SINGER sings. POLICE OFFICER shouts. Shakes fist. SINGER sings. POLICE OFFICER escorts SINGER off stage right. SINGER continues singing.
ACTOR enters stage left, sits on floor beside corpse. Motionless.
Phone rings three times. No one hears it; no one answers it. Vacuum still very loud.
ACTOR changes position: now lies down motionless, on side, beside motionless corpse, spoon-like.
POLICE OFFICER enters from backstage right. Assumes police officer position. Watches--from a distance--ACTOR beside corpse. POLICE OFFICER shifts position; leans against wooden crate. Continues watching motionless ACTOR beside corpse. Frowns. Telephone rings. POLICE OFFICER shifts position again; returns to police officer position. Observes ACTOR, still motionless. Frowns. Exits backstage right.
ACTOR snuggles up next to corpse. Kisses on cheek. Strokes hair. Then rises from floor beside corpse. Exits stage left.
POLICE OFFICER (off-stage, unseen) frowns.
WORKER WITH VACUUM cleaner completes vacuuming stage. Turns off vacuum. Unplugs vacuum. Exits with vacuum.
SPEAKER in formal wear enters from downstage left, walks past all the props: the corpse, microphone stand, weights, wooden crate and telephone, love seat, podium and broom and flag, finally settling at upstage center. Stands facing audience. POLICE OFFICER (still frowning) enters, stage right; assumes police officer position. Observes SPEAKER. SPEAKER begins speaking. Inaudible sounds–-not loud. SPEAKER makes emphatic hand and arm gestures. Voice grows softer. Raises arms and head skyward. More gestures. Emphatic. Concludes speech and waves to audience.
POLICE OFFICER observes everything.
Telephone rings.
POLICE OFFICER escorts SPEAKER off stage, right.
CHARACTER with black t-shirt enters stage right, hops over corpse, walks across stage, muttering single pairs of words: "Mother-father, brother-sister, son-daughter, mother-daughter, father-son, mother-son, father-daughter, mom-dad, yeah-yeah!" Exits stage left.
WORKER WITH DOLLY and crate enters from stage left. In attempting to maneuver around corpse, bumps into it, pushes it, drags it along for a bit: crate and dolly and corpse get unimaginably tangled up together. Dolly and crate teeter. WORKER makes desperate lunge to save it from falling. Fails. Crate crashes to floor with a thud, breaks apart, scattering wood and contents of crate: another corpse. All fall into orchestra pit. Stage corpse too knocked off stage and into pit.
WORKER visibly upset. Appears frightened as well. Leaps into orchestra pit. BOXER and WRESTLER rush from stage right and left, leap into pit to assist WORKER. POLICE OFFICER enters, stage right. Leans over and looks into pit. Observes. Assumes police officer position. Supervises. Garbled discussion in pit seems to reveal the uncertainty of which corpse rightfully belongs in crate, which corpse rightfully belongs on stage. Argument ensues.
Time spent arguing.
Eventually, argument concludes, and decision is made. Work begins. BOXER and WRESTLER place one corpse into reassembled crate and duct-tape it all together. Lift crate back onto stage. Climb back onto stage. Arrange crate somewhere on stage. All the while, WORKER, working alone, struggles and lifts and drags and repositions other corpse back onto stage at approximate previous position. Done, all three inspect their work. Seem satisfied. Dust off hands; shake hands. All exit, including POLICE OFFICER.
Repaired crate remains on stage.
Stage returns to order. Silence. Hold ten seconds.
CHARACTER, now with white t-shirt, enters stage left, hops over corpse, crosses stage, left to right, muttering the words: "True-false, pro-con, heaven-hell, ding-dong, yin-yang, life-death, birth-death, alive-dead; oh-oh!"
POLICE OFFICER enters, stage left. Observes surroundings; surveys surroundings. Assumes police officer position.
Stage is in order: older; wiser; more experienced. Silence achieved. Hold ten seconds.
Lights. Curtain.