Earwigs

EARWIGS

THE MAN WHO LOVES PROVO walked into his bathroom to begin his bedtime rituals: flossing and brushing his teeth and then using the toilet before undressing. About to begin, he noticed an earwig scuttle across the counter top by the wash basin and attempt to slip unnoticed over the edge of the counter. The Man watched all. He opened the drawer on his right and drew out a small porcelain cup full of hair bands. He poured the bands back into the drawer, placed the cup underneath the earwig, and quietly encouraged it into the cup. Then he walked the two steps to the toilet and let the bug drop into the water.
Briefly he watched it struggle before returning to his duty: flossing and brushing. Done, he again walked the two steps to the toilet. Standing and beginning to urinate, he carefully avoided hitting with his stream the anxious life in the bowl. As he watched, a thought moved across his head: I am going to kill this creature; in a moment I will flush the toilet, and this unfortunate being will die a death I hope I will never have to face. He reflected on the act--its virtue or lack of, or lack of either.
Had The Man Who Loves Provo believed in a god (and hence, an afterlife), he might have scooped the thing from its fate--might have saved its life. Not out of fear of punishment. Most of his friends's gods would not punish a human for so trivial a deed. No, what the Man considered was not divine punishment (had he believed in such a thing), nor was it mortal justice (had he believed in that either). The truth of the matter (and the Man Who Loves Provo did not believe that the truth of matters could be known) was that he was unsure of what he believed in; he was also unsure of what he didn't believe in. He found himself to be simply a human being who, though not necessarily embracing uncertainty, nevertheless felt embraced by it.
Done at the toilet, he tried to shake out the last drop. Unsuccessful. He took the two steps back to the wash basin but did not wash his hands. Rather he looked at himself in the mirror, settling in on the eyes, which he now noticed were no longer the deep brown they were as a child.