The Death of a Taxpayer

THE DEATH OF A TAXPAYER: SOME INSTRUCTIONS

"IF A TAXPAYER dies before filing a return for the year, the taxpayer's spouse or personal representative may have to file and sign a return for that taxpayer. A personal representative can be an executor, administrator, or anyone who is in charge of the deceased's property. If the taxpayer did not have to file a return but did have tax withheld, a return must be filed to get the refund. Further, the person who files the return should write 'DECEASED,' the taxpayer's name, and the date of death across the top of the return.
"If your spouse died during the year and you did not remarry, you can file a joint return. You can also file a joint return if your spouse died during the year but before filing this year's return. Write 'Filing as surviving spouse' in the area where you sign the return.
"The taxpayer's spouse or personal representative should promptly notify all payers of income to the deceased taxpayer (including financial institutions) of his or her death. This will ensure the proper reporting of income earned by the taxpayer's estate or heirs.
"If you are requesting the deceased taxpayer's refund, you must file the return and attach Form 1310."

Joe Pancake had read those instructions in the booklet a dozen times now, and still they made no sense to him. What did any of this have to do with death? With the death of his Lulu? With the life that he was now trying so desperately to continue to live? To lead? To love? True, Lulu was not literally dead (she still walked the planet), but ever since the separation--even before the separation--ever since the night they had come to the realization that their life together was over and done and gone for good--ever since the two of them had come to the mutual agreement that they would no longer file joint income tax returns--never again--something inside of Joe had died. And he could not understand what Form 1310 had to do with any of it. And who should file it. And for whom.

* * * * * * *

On April 15 Joe Pancake moved into his new apartment. The first three months, he received in the mail letters and other junk mail for the previous residents. He would carefully set the mail aside and then, periodically, sit down and write in clear, clean, knowing letters the words: "Doesn't live here anymore," or "No Forwarding Address," or "Return to Sender," or sometimes simply the one word, "MOVED," and then place the unopened envelops in the mailbox for the letter carrier to pick up the following day and take away.
The junk mail that Joe soon began receiving on his own was equally trying, and soon, without even opening the stuff, he began writing similar messages: "No forwarding address"; "Return to sender"; "No such guy"; or, toward the end, "Deceased." Before long, however, his technique changed: he collected the mail and put it aside until he had a sufficient stack, and then--and this occurred about every two or three weeks--Joe would open all the mail and place the form letters in one pile, the applications and such in another, the pre-addressed and postage-paid envelops in a third, and anything else in a final pile. He would then stuff the envelops with each other's advertisements, letters, invitations, forms, etc., and run down to the post office and drop them into the bin.

Before things got bad (in fact, things were going quite well: Columbus was in kindergarten; Molly was out of diapers; Lulu was happy), Joe Pancake became alarmed at the proliferation of nuclear weapons around the globe. As a result of this concern, he decided one day to write to the leaders of all the nations possessing these deadly weapons to inform them that he had declared his vegetable garden a nuclear free zone. He offered to sign a treaty with each sovereign state, declaring his intention to never initiate a nuclear strike against any of the signer nations, and even went so far as to assure them that even if attacked, he would not retaliate--not even with conventional weapons.

The year of the divorce procedure, Joe Pancake bought a new car. It was the first new car he had ever bought, and four months to the day after the purchase he received in the mail a questionnaire/survey asking him what had influenced him to buy this particular model, this particular make, this particular etc. In other words, what did he like (and dislike) about the automobile? Joe filled out the survey as he filled out all forms--conscientiously--but was struck most dramatically by the section entitled "Looking Into The Future." This part began with the declaration that "technology is changing so fast it can make your head spin." Joe found this statement sound. Here are some of the features he was asked to respond to--that is, to indicate whether or not he would be interested in: Auto 911-Dialing--Your vehicle would automatically call 911 and report your location if you were in an accident and knocked unconscious; Remote Start-UpBBy pressing a button on your car key, you could start your car and turn on the heater or air-conditioner, all from the comfort of your home; Automatic Pilot System--Your vehicle would automatically follow the road and actually drive to the destination you entered into the computer, automatically avoiding other vehicles, pedestrians, etc.; Electronic Driving Assistance--Your vehicle's computer would automatically sense when you are in danger of hitting another vehicle or pedestrian and would sound an alarm to warn you. It would also warn you when you were in danger of running a stop-sign or cornering too fast and would apply the brakes to keep you from losing control; Voice-Activation--Instead of manually doing things like starting up your car or turning on your radio, you could simply tell your car what to do, and it would do it.

* * * * * * *

The time it takes to prepare your return. We try to create forms and instructions that are accurate and can be easily understood. The time needed to complete and file the forms will vary depending on individual circumstances. The estimated average times for people with IRA distributions, pension income, social security benefits, etc., is:
Record keeping, 2 hours, 17 minutes; Learning about the law or the form, 2 hours, 20 minutes; Preparing the form, 3 hours, 13 minutes; Copying, assembling, and sending the form to the IRS, 35 minutes.
We welcome comments on forms. If you have comments concerning the accuracy of these time estimates or suggestions for making these forms simpler, we would be happy to hear from you."

During the marriage, Joe and Lulu seldom reached orgasm simultaneously. The fact is, they saw no pressing need to come together. Had they expressed their thoughts on the matter to each other, very likely each would have been startled to realize that the other also preferred it that way--the separate climaxes. Reflecting alone on the issue, Joe thought that by focusing on his own body (the tingling, climbing sensations; the suddenness of the ejaculate; etc.), he would be in no position to enjoy observing Lulu's pleasure, which he did enjoy. For if Joe were centered on his own orgasm, he'd not see--or feel or hear--Lulu's shudders, her cries, her moment when everything was real. And that was something Joe Pancake did not want to miss out on.

The next year, Joe began volunteer work with a non-profit organization whose purpose it was to raise funds for the homeless, to ensure them that even though they may not have a constitutional guarantee to a roof over their head or food in their belly, they did nevertheless enjoy the Second Amendment right to bear arms. It took awhile, but finally the group raised enough in donations--in money and in the actual weapons themselves--to begin the distribution of guns to the homeless.

No nations responded to Joe's no-first-strike peace initiative--except, of course, the United States of America, which sent to his home a representative from the Central Intelligence Agency, who interrogated Joe about his negotiations with foreign countries (some of whom, he was informed, were considered enemy nations of the U.S.) as well as delving into Joe's own military record during the Viet-Nam War (also called the American War in some parts of the world, Joe reminded the agent).

For awhile Joe simply tossed out all the junk mail.

The first year that Joe filed a separate tax return after so many years of filing jointly, he discovered that he owed the government much, much more than he had anticipated.

* * * * * * *

Joe Pancake seldom read the newspapers, but one day while passing a newsstand, he noted a headline and then scanned the article that told him that Salt Lake City residents were stunned by the senseless shooting deaths of two young high school students by members of a street gang. The students themselves had nothing to do with gangs--were, in fact, honor students, college-bound, and in every way exemplary of a way of life that was to be admired and emulated, the newspaper said.

A year after the CIA agent's visit Joe expanded his nuclear-free zone to include not only the garden, but his entire property--the house, lawn, driveway, car, bicycle, snowshoes, backpack. Once again he reiterated his intention to never initiate a nuclear strike and even went so far as to guarantee that none of his delivery systems (bike, car, shoes, skis, etc.) would ever be used for offensive purposes--by himself or his allies. Since he had received such a disappointing response from his first communique, he then informed the nuclear nations that their non-response would be interpreted as agreement. It was up to them to default on the treaty.

Joe again began collecting the postage-paid envelops from the advertisers--the insurance companies, the banking and loan institutions, the credit card manufacturers. He still threw away the junk mail--just tossed it into the recycling bin--but now he mailed the envelops back with passages from some of his favorite literary figures: Whitman, Thoreau, Dickinson, Rumi, Samuel Beckett, A. F. Caldiero. Within a year Joe began including some of his own poems and essays.

Section 3--Line Instructions for Form 1040A
Why use the label? The peel-off label in this instruction booklet is designed to speed processing. It prevents common errors that can delay refunds or result in unnecessary notices. (Last year, our accuracy rate in processing refunds was 99.5%.) Do not attach the label until you have finished your return. Cross out any errors and print the correct information. Add any missing items, such as your apartment number.

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When Joe Pancake moved from the house to his apartment, he realized that it might be wise to advise those nations with nuclear arsenals that the divorce would in no way alter his treaty with them. His desire for world peace remained firm, he said. If anything, he noted further, it increased his resolve. For with this recent shift in power, not only would the house of his former residence maintain its nuclear-free status, but his new apartment would add to the total land area of nuclear-free zones. He sent letters to all the involved nations.

For two years--both during and especially after the divorce--Joe Pancake's sexual drive all but disappeared.

Joe was always puzzled by the movies and television programs that showed that when someone hung up on someone, a dial tone came on the line. After the divorce, when Lulu hung up on Joe during an argument, the telephone line simply went dead--silent.

One day at work, while taking his lunch walk, Joe found a bullet--a live round--on the ground. He picked it up and put it in his pocket. When he got back to his office, he placed it in the small wooden cup on his desk with all the other bullets he had found on the workplace and throughout the city.

As much as anything else in the world, Joe Pancake loved the appearance--in the early spring--of the first crocus; it sent a wave of exhilaration through him.

When Joe's friend Rachel Krakatoa was dying of cancer, her family and friends gathered around her bedside to try to comfort her. The final phase of the process lasted about three days--three days in which she moved in and out of a coma. Her last words, just before slipping off completely, were, "It's all right; I'm OK; don't worry; I'm OK."

Initially, Americans were shocked and horrified by the bombing in Oklahoma City. But soon bumper stickers began appearing throughout the West proclaiming, "I Love My Country, But I Fear My Government." Within a month of the act, one news journal reported that 15% of the American public blamed the attack on the "mainstream media" (only 3% less than the percentage (18%) who found the bombers themselves responsible, but notably higher than the 12% who placed the blame directly on the heads of President Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno).

* * * * * * *

Joe's neighbors in the apartment complex found the concept of nuclear free zones appealing. Soon they sent out their own letters declaring their alliance with Joe Pancake in a no-first-strike pact and offering to join in partnership with each nation.

Line 6c Dependents. You can take an exemption for each of your dependents who was alive some part of the preceding year. This includes a baby born during the year or a person who died. For more details get Publication 501.

On the few occasions when Joe and Lulu had tried to talk about their sexuality, each had been somewhat frustrated by the other's inability to capture the other's essence--to understand what the other was feeling. Even the words Lulu used--the "crashing wave," for instance--were foreign to Joe; that is to say, they were not in Joe's experience. What he felt, he had tried to explain, was a sense of release, a building up of a tremendous pleasure that--well--then released.

One day AT&T received back in the mail its own pre-paid envelope; inside was a poem by Emily Dickinson, which began: "I heard a fly buzz when I died. . . ."
Citicorp Mortgage got one from Rumi: ". . . let the beauty we love be what we do. . . ."
For the Sierra Club, some Caldiero: "The leaves are pale; in other words, the leaves are pale."
The American Cancer Society, Beckett: "I can't go on. Go on."
Beneficial Life Insurance Company got a piece from Sinead O'Connor: "All babies are born saying God's name."
For the American Heart Association, some John Cage: "The important thing to do is to develop foreign trade."
The Republican National Committee, Voltaire: "We will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest."
And for the Book-of-the-Month Club, more Beckett: "Qua qua qua."

As the Viet-Nam War Memorial in Washington D.C. was being designed, debate centered on how to place the names on The Wall. The first and most obvious suggestion was to arrange the names alphabetically. But then, someone noted, if this were done, the Wall might look more like a telephone directory than a memorial; for example, more than 600 Smiths died in the war. Another problem: how would friends and family identify which of the sixteen James Joneses was theirs?

One week after the divorce became final, after Joe Pancake had finished sleeping, he woke up to find that there was no coffee in the house. He drove across town to the 7/11, but they too were out. Unconsciously almost, he got back into his car, drove out to the freeway, and headed south. He pulled off at Nephi, 40 miles later, got his coffee, but then decided to keep driving. He stopped for gas in Cedar City and continued on to St. George. Then Las Vegas. Barstow. San Bernardino. Joe arrived at Laguna Beach by nightfall and spent the next seven days on the beach, drinking coffee and Dr. Pepper and eating pizza and walking with his feet in the surf and looking at people and wondering if he would ever be happy again--or if he ever had been. Then he returned home.

On September 29, 1513, the Spanish explorer and conquistador Vasco Nunez de Balboa crossed the Isthmus of Panama and became the first European to see the Pacific Ocean. He nearly sank to his knees at the sight of it. But then, quickly, he recovered and stood up, waded out into the waters, and claimed the entire sea before him and all the lands that it touched for the Spanish Empire.

At times, Joe thinks about writing to Lulu--to explain himself more fully. But he always thinks better of it.

One evening Joe joined a discussion in progress to which he contributed next to nothing; he just listened: he listened to his friends talk about the renewed interest, according to news accounts, in the Strategic Defense Initiative (Star Wars)--that there were many in the government and the scientific community, the reports said, who saw the need to maintain the program, even though the U.S. of America presently had no superpower enemies. There was still, these accounts claimed, the ever-present danger that a stray asteroid or comet might veer off course and collide with the earth. The Star Wars Defense Initiative, this argument concluded, could potentially save the planet from destruction by blowing up the invaders from outer space.

* * * * * * *

Joe wondered: if he were homeless and if someone offered to give him a gun, would he take it.

Joe wonders how Columbus and Molly will turn out; he wonders how he will turn out; he wonders how he got to where he is today; he wonders if he will ever learn how to get out of where he is today.

Qualifying child of more than one person. If a child meets the conditions to be a qualifying child of more than one person, only the person who had the highest adjusted gross income may treat that child as a qualifying child. If the other person is your spouse and you are filing a joint return, this rule doesn't apply. If you cannot take the earned income credit because of this rule, enter "No" next to line 28c.

There was a time in Joe's life--a long, long time ago--when he honestly believed that he would live forever.

Joe's daughter Molly, 11 years old, said one day while being driven to her dance class in the new car with the three-year bumper-to-bumper warrantee, "Dad, I'm going to die one day." Joe looked over at her and then hurriedly said, AI know, I know. Should we go get an ice cream cone now?@

Joe Pancake started slipping some of his own writings into the pre-paid envelops that he had been collecting. The first one he sent to the All-State Insurance Company:
Ottogogue
Ottogogue
Be my mother!
Ottogogue.

The first time Joe had sex after the divorce became final, he was surprised by the things he had forgotten. Or perhaps it was not so much what he had forgotten as it was what he had never really paid close attention to in the first place: the heat, for example; the moist heat of inclusion.

In the apartment where Joe lives, when the phone rings, sometimes he just looks at it and watches it ring and ring and ring.

Before the melanoma had begun its work on Rachel Krakatoa, she had a tiny, red mole on her left shoulder. Joe Pancake has a tiny, red mole on his left shoulder. For a year, he's been thinking of seeing a doctor about it, but Rachel's mole didn't begin to cause problems until after she had seen her doctor.

* * * * * * *

Joe wonders sometimes where his letters would end up if he addressed them to the moon.

* A child is permanently and totally disabled if both of the following apply:
1. He or she cannot engage in any substantial gainful activity because of a physical or mental condition.
2. A doctor determines the condition has lasted or can be expected to last continuously for at least a year or can lead to death.

Sometimes Joe wants to live forever; sometimes he wishes he could die tomorrow; sometimes he wishes he had never been born. Sometimes he wishes that he was just dead, that it was all over and done with. And then sometimesB-sometimes it hits him--the terrible, horrible fear hits him that there just might be an afterlife, in which case there is really no viable escape at all.

Joe was not there at the end to hear his friend Rachel Krakatoa=s final words. That moment was reserved for family members only. But the last time he did see Rachel, a week before the death, the last words he heard her say were, AI don=t want to do this. This is not how I thought it would be.@ Shaking her head back and forth and in what appeared to be a tremendous amount of not just pain but anxiety, she looked at Joe for what seemed to be a long time. AI just don=t want to do this.@

Finally, it was decided that the names on the Viet-Nam Memorial in Washington D.C. should be arranged not alphabetically, but chronologically--that is, according to the order of death.

In 1518, in Darien, a Spanish colony located in what is now Colombia, the governor of that New World outpost had Vasco Nunez de Balboa arrested and tried for treason (trumped-up charges, history now defines). In January of the following year, he was sentenced to death and beheaded, along with four of his friends.

Joe and Lulu discovered that things worked out a whole lot more smoothly if they just left their communications to each other on their voice machines.

Inevitably, some of the neighbors outside the apartment complex and who owned houses of their own and had vegetable gardens to tend to, heard about the idea of nuclear-free zones. Many of these property owners began writing letters to the member nations to sign treaties of non-proliferation. But then, just before sending them off, they talked once more, and by a consensus decided to add an amendment, indicating that they were declaring not only their own private properties nuclear free, but the adjoining streets and sidewalks as well.

* * * * * * *

Joe received a birthday card one day from his insurance company. It read:
Here's a birthday policy
Written just for you
That brings some special benefits
To last the whole year through. . . .
That's as far as Joe could get, but he did glance down to the bottom of the card, which was unsigned; it did have, however, the word "Agent" printed in the same bold type as the poem.

One morning Joe found on the sidewalk in front of his apartment a toy gun. He looked around to see if anyone was watching. Feeling safe, he bent down, picked it up, and slipped it inside his shirt. Then he walked to the back of the driveway and dropped it into the trash dumpster.

Joe couldn't get it out of his head that he really ought to write to Lulu, but when he finally did write, instead of mailing it to her, he placed the letter in an envelop he got for a magazine subscription and sent it there.

Military personnel who serve in a combat zone (such as Viet-Nam, Grenada, Persian Gulf) are not required to pay taxes for that tax year. Therefore, when a soldier dies in a war zone, it is not considered to be the death of a tax-payer.

Joe Pancake's friend Rachel Krakatoa appeared to him in a dream one night. She walked up to his bed and shook him from his slumbers. When he was awake, she said, "I'm dead. But I=m not even aware that I=m dead.@ Joe stared back. Rachel stared back. But then Joe noticed that her eyes were closed. She spoke again. And Joe tried to listen. Or anyway, he tried to listen.